Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
