its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
