What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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