I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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