made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
