are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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