Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
