Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
