Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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