new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
