Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
