So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
