beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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