Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
