I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
