Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
