As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
