they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
