I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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