So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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