Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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