Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
