im six kinds of drunk right now
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
