they need to just BURY HIM!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
