i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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