Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had sex on a roof
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
