I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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