Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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