I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
