4 words: hood of his car
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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