note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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