I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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