she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
