I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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