Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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