I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
