bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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