I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
