I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
