He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
