Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
