this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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