I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
