I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
