I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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