He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
