Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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