Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
