i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
