a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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