sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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