We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
