He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
