I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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