I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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