he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize