As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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