In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
