Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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