My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
