So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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