just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
