How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
