i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
