dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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