Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
