the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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