Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
