I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize